2022 October 18 The upside of stress

Hi, this is Jim Cranston! We'll be talking about stress and overwhelm. So let's get started.

We’ve all probably said how stressed we are at some point or other, and probably mentioned being overwhelmed at the same time. But what is stress and overwhelm?

Stress is what we feel when we have too much pressure in our lives. Too many things to do. It usually happens when we're in a situation where we don't feel we can manage or control something that just seems completely beyond what we have any ability to control. 

Whether it's an external influence or something within ourselves, stress is a very funny thing. We cause it ourselves a lot, but then there's overwhelm.

Overwhelm is stress with no end in sight. Overwhelm most commonly means to be overcome with emotions such as fear or powerlessness, and as a result of a large amount of something - such as too much work, too much stress, too much anything, too many bills - it just seems to be too much to handle. 

So clearly one leads to the other, but how does it happen? It certainly can happen through external events such as unexpected life events, catastrophes and other calamities. Often we bring it on ourselves. Certainly for me, personally, the biggest cause is the fear of starting things. If I can get started on something, then I can almost always finish it. But there's always that fear of the unknown. 

We've talked about that before. Part of our brain is always trying to keep ourselves safe. So if something's going on, we're not sure of the outcome, we’re really hesitant to try something new. What if the task is bigger than I expect? What if…? Your brain is really trying to keep you safe. It comes up with all these dozens of reasons of the what ifs, why inaction is the safest choice.

But while that inaction keeps you in a known and safe place, it also doesn't resolve the issue that you were putting off addressing and is giving you the stress in the first place. That, of course, causes the stress in our lives, because we know there's something to be done and that we're not doing it.

When you stop doing things and you keep putting things off, the whole pile of stuff just looks absolutely insurmountable, and that of course leads to overwhelm. That was pretty easy to explain. But it's somewhat ironic because by trying to keep ourselves safe, we've now put ourselves into this high stress overwhelm condition.

 So how do we resolve that? Doing nothing just makes it worse. If it were easy to start doing things, we wouldn't be in that position in the first place because if it was easy, we just would've started doing stuff. First off, light stress actually does help us focus and to be energized.

 You think stress is a bad thing, but if you think about a lot of situations you're in, when stress shows up, just a little bit of stress, I'm a little bit late to get to work and you really focus, Okay, what do I have to do next? I have to put these things here to make sure I bring them along and I have to do this, and I have to bring the lunch.

Stress releases a bunch of hormones and other chemicals. There's this complex neurological and physiological reaction in your body going on to help keep you safe, and all these other things are released in your body to help you focus and to give you energy. There's a book on the subject rather humorously called The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal.

The Upside of Stress: why stress is good for you and how to get good at it. This book, along with just common sense, tells you some amount of stress does really help you get through life on a regular day to day basis. But it's really intended to be the short term emergency response, not a real way of life. We really have to find a way to manage it over the long term. The first step, at least for me (and I think it works for a lot of people), is to step back a little bit and stop dwelling on the impossibility of the task, and start to look at it rationally, which I know sometimes is very difficult.

 Think of all the bills I have to pay and all the places I have to go, and all the things I have to do, and just keep building up this bigger and bigger pile of things to be done, when in reality it's actually oftentimes very boundable. So do you really have to solve every outstanding problem for it to be a success?

 Or can you start by solving any of the little problems that turned into this huge feeling of overwhelm? Then very importantly, take the time to celebrate that little win you just did. That's moving you closer to your goal. Because if you take that one little problem, you break down your huge problem, take one little problem out of it and solve it, your brain's like, Oh, maybe that wasn't so bad after all. Maybe we can solve another problem, and you keep chipping away at it. 

 Are there going to be some big problems in there? Sure, there are, obviously, but every time you solve a little problem - we've talked about this in our goal setting stuff - every time you solve a little problem, you train your brain that action can bring you to success. When you do that, especially when you're in a sense of overwhelm, suddenly the overwhelm seems a lot less overwhelming. Remember, we reach our goals by consistently taking little steps forward, not by some magical, huge leap that fixes everything in one giant change.

The same thing happens in stress. What you have to do, and I say this somewhat - not facetiously at all, but the reality is, yes, it's “all” you have to do - I know it's really very difficult to do, and it's really harder than it seems, but you have to focus on only one little part. Then on that little part, currently work on that and put the whole huge pile of things that's bothering you or weighing upon you - put them aside and don't think about them. 

Because - remember, our mind wants to keep us safe and part of that keeping us safe is not failing at what you're doing - we have to trick our mind into focusing on only one little thing, and that little piece that we're working on then once it sees it can solve that, then you might Go, this is fun. I wanna work on the next thing. And bit by bit, it'll help us get through that whole backlog of tasks we have to get done to get rid of the overwhelm. 

 Besides succeeding at even the smallest task, that helps change our overall outlook. Because initially we're looking at things saying, Ah, it’s  just so much to do. I'm just a complete failure and I can't get anything done. Then when you start solving things, your mind goes, Oh, actually, we're good at what we do. We're solving all these little problems, and it helps our mind to motivate. First we have to motivate our mind to buy into the whole program, and then our mind will motivate us to keep on and be creative on the next challenge, and we'll start solving things faster and having more energy to solve the next little task as it comes up.

We've been through all this before in our goal setting stuff, and I think that the hardest part is really stepping back, focusing on only one little solvable problem, and then getting that first success and going on from there. Great things and big changes can be made by little steps happening consistently, and that'll slowly lead us onto our goals moving forward.

 So again, realize that overwhelm is just the result of many little stressors. We can break that down so that each cause of the stress is visible to ourselves. Then we can start to identify one or more of those little things that are solvable, and start by making little steps to remove some of the sources of the stress, start to get our mind into a better state, which will then motivate us to continue solving all those little issues, both in the backlog and as they come up. 

I know it's easier to say than to do, especially when you're in the middle of being overwhelmed, but I think if you try solving even one small source of your stress and then a second, hopefully you'll start to see that a real pattern develops and you can make great strides in getting yourself back to a place of peace and feeling in control and wellbeing.

Remember, always be true to yourself. Live the life that’s aligned with your true goals and feelings. Helping others really helps yourself. It's one of those things you can do good and make yourself actually feel better about life. It's a double win for everybody.

So thank you very much for stopping by. If you've found something interesting and useful, please pass it along and please hit the like button. If not, drop me a comment as to what you'd like to hear. Have a great week, and remember to live the life that you dream of, because that's the path to true contentment. Love and encouragement to everyone and see you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com. Thank you.

Please remember the war in Ukraine is still going on, one of the best ways to care for yourself is to care for others, if you can. Please check out UKR7.com.