2024 July 23 Aging and retiring with grace

 Hi, this is Jim Cranston from 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com, the podcast and website about reimagining your life. If you like what you hear today, please leave a like, subscribe, tell your friends, and send me a message.

Thanks for joining me today to talk about aging and retiring with grace. This is not just about Presidents Trump and Biden and the people in the current political news. This is something that's actually a long time in coming. Certainly for each of us, it's something that's very personal as we get older, but it's also something that has happened throughout time as people get older that, those around them say, it's time for them to step aside.

Leonid Brezhnev, in President Jimmy Carter's time, was a former Russian president. He was to the point where he was almost unable to complete a single sentence on his own without prompting cards and was basically controlled by the staff around him.

That was quite a number of years ago, and there are many people before that. Ronald Reagan had come up in that context. There were people concerned about his mental capabilities that happened with presidents back in the early 20th century. There's nothing new about it.

But I'd suggest a reduced version of what was going on in some of those circumstances was going on with President Biden, though happily he was still forceful enough to speak clearly on many topics—such as Taiwan and Ukraine, despite the White House often walking back his typically quite honest remarks.

We know former President Trump is very susceptible to surrounding himself with non-confrontational advisors who just support whatever he says, and now he has this very outspoken vice presidential candidate. When you put yourself in a position of power and have people around you who are just going to say yes, it's never a good situation, especially when you're older. Politically, the problem is that unelected people are running the White House, whether it's somebody's wife or some politically motivated team of advisors, it doesn't matter. These people are not subject to political pressure because they aren't elected.

An important control point in a democracy is impaired. But it's not just politics. Yes, that's been in the news recently. It's very obvious when it's in politics, but it's just not politics where it's very important. I talk about Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger quite a bit. People, very wealthy people, who did all the tremendous company investment—I could go on for days and days and days about their techniques and their viewpoint and things like that, but they're a really good example because they started operational and estate planning as they got older, many years before they actually got to that point.

They're really good models to follow. They started this orderly transition while holding on to those areas where they really added value—notably in planning and setting the high level goals for the organization Berkshire Hathaway. They set guidelines, and they could really leverage their amazing experience.

The same for Ralph Lauren. You may remember a number of years back, I think it was 2015, that he realized his ability to manage the many aspects of his very large business empire were getting away from him, so he transitioned to a lesser executive role and focused on being the Chief Creative Officer.

This allowed for an orderly transition while retaining his oversight in the area where he's world-renowned in his creative insights. But it's even true on a personal level, for things like driving, finances, and if you're a sportsman or something like that, owning guns—even on daily things like how you take care of managing where your wallet is. Quite frankly, to be clear, slip ups as we age are often not particularly malicious and not intentional, but I for one, lose my glasses probably a dozen times a day.

But imagine if a retired policeman forgot his gun belt in the restroom. Now that's a real safety issue and a potential felony. The same sort of bad situation happens if somebody's driving and they forget that they redid the highway intersection and they get on the expressway heading the wrong direction. 

Both those events have happened. It's not just a matter of inconveniencing things. It's really inadvertently endangering other people or endangering yourself. And of course, financial predators aren't just online, but they often masquerade as personal friends or caretakers. I personally know of more than one situation where people have been bilked out of tens of thousands of dollars by friends who are helping them out. 

It isn't easy to admit that you may not even be able to take care of your own finances. But not admitting it isn't any better. So what can we do about it? Well, first and super important, be honest with yourself. Don't just make excuses. Yes, show yourself grace—we all have good days and bad days. But if something concerning happens a few times, write it down on the calendar or keep a little booklet of it.

I use the calendar because it's always there. I have all my old calendars. And I use it for all sorts of things that I want to keep track of because it automatically gives it the date if you write it. I have a great big calendar. It's called Monster Grid Calendar and the name pretty much describes it all. 

But, secondly, stay aware of possible changes in yourself and talk with your doctor and get tested. Treatment for mental decline is more effective, just like most treatments, if started earlier. Very often, it isn't even a permanent mental decline. Maybe you just feel like you're just a mental wreck. What's going on? It could be because of an infection. UTIs particularly as you get older. They're always good for making an older person seem absolutely crazy and totally out of it, but it turns out a lot of infections will cause the same sort of symptoms. If you see a lot of changes all of a sudden, things just aren't making sense—go to the doctor, get tested, see if something's wrong. It could be something as simple as having an infection. 

Third, remove stress from your life. We've talked about it before, but excess stress releases lots of these emergency response hormones which get your body all revved up—the whole fight or flight thing, but that's really focused on your short term survival.

Those same changes aren't necessarily good when they happen constantly. Long term stress has numerous physiological and mental costs and can easily take years off your life while also significantly reducing your quality of life. The best antidote for stress is to find a place where you can be peaceful.

Maybe standing across from the park while the free concert happens on a Saturday afternoon is enough to ground you and get you into a peaceful state. Peace is very personal. It's very different for everybody. You should try and find a place where you can put the stress aside and just find peace in your life. Don't just do it for a minute. Do it for ten minutes, half an hour—spend the afternoon, spend the morning, get up early, listen to the birds—whatever it takes for you to find peace in your life because that has very healing effects on you in many different ways. 

There are more little changes and tweaks that you might be able to try and make things like change your responsibilities if possible. Let your spouse or your accountant or your kids or a trust pay your recurring bills so you don't have to be concerned about them. Instead of worrying about what day of the week it is and looking to make sure you've paid stuff, have it just happen automatically if you're able to. 

This one is super important. Talk to people. Real people. Online is better than nothing, but just sit and talk to people. We used to have a little restaurant near where I live. Unfortunately it closed during the pandemic. They just couldn't get people to work anymore. They never found enough people to keep it open after that.

They used to have a couple of regular groups that would meet there. They're called ROMEO's, which is a Retired Old Men Eating Out. They would go out and get together once a week, go have breakfast or lunch—different groups would go in and do it. I knew people that worked there.

They're just getting out and having personal conversations with people. Try and have meaningful conversations that make you think. Remember last week's topic of respectful discussions? If you can have a deep discussion with someone about a topic of interest to you, or ideally both of you, whether it's a current subject or something from your past—even if you respectfully disagree on some of the details, it'll activate many areas of your brain and help you to stay connected and interested in life.

Here's a fun one. Think about getting a pet, having something to care for. It shifts your focus from yourself to outside of yourself and makes a huge difference. Of course, get something appropriate to your abilities. If you can't easily walk, a large dog's probably not a good choice, but an older cat that just wants to be near you all day and night might be just the ticket to make you feel like there's somebody there, somebody you can talk to. They always sit and listen, and it's something again to bring you outside of yourself—much like conversation with other people, talking to a pet, or doing anything outside yourself. Do things to help yourself with daily tasks, using lists, notes, routines. Do whatever it takes to make your life easier.

This isn't some game where you get points for trying to act like you're 21. This is trying to get your life cleared of things that aren't necessarily important in your daily activities. They may be important to take care of overall, but they don't have to be an important part of your daily life.

Free up your life to focus on the things where you can add value to other people's lives, and you can bring pleasure into your life. Now I have finally admitted that I won't remember somebody's name or a quick idea if I don't immediately write it down. I might remember the name tomorrow morning, but not later in that same conversation. Now I keep small Post-its. I always use the little ones. Friends of mine tease me about how small I write, but I keep Post-its laying around the whole house. When something comes up, I just jot it right down. I'd rather remember somebody's name than try to prove to myself that I'm still a young person. 

Another big one that helps a lot with aging is to be proactive with your health and physical condition. Improving your health and physical condition have proven benefits for mental health, physical health, every which way it just helps you. We've talked about some of the studies in the past, but the results are essentially 100% consistent. Being physically active and maintaining good health helps you in every way, including your mental acuity and your attitude. 

Just to note, be careful with supplements. I recently saw ads for a product called Alpha GPC. (There's a couple with related names.) It's this miracle anti-aging supplement. Do they have benefits? Yes, they do have benefits, but there's also a direct correlation to long-term dosage and strokes. There was a long-term study of over 12 million individuals that brought this to light. Supplements are still a medicine. Talk to a doctor or other health practitioner before you believe every ad that will appear on your Facebook feed once they figure out your age.

And very importantly, talk to your spouse, your siblings, and your children about your health, about the future, about your estate—all those other things we don't like to talk about with them. It's much easier to prepare now than to leave everyone else with a mess or everyone else wondering what you would prefer to do as you age. Get that stuff out in the open. Talk about it. It's a lot easier for everybody. But most of all, as we always talk about, play to your strengths. You have new superpowers. Now use them. Probably some of your old superpowers have been replaced. 

President Biden—let's go back to him since it's a relevant topic. He's a really good example. He does have a lot of experience, and that's his superpower. If you listen to him get in China's face over Taiwan, it was actually pretty exciting, quite frankly, and it was clear that he could still be very powerful on topics that were dear to him. But he's not young. That's not a crime, but it is a reality.

He might better have served his country, his party, and himself by sticking to his original plan of being a transitional single-term president and playing to his strengths, and then stepping into a new role to play. You play to his new strength, of a very experienced politician who is now also an experienced president of the United States.

This isn't a criticism, per se, but it's a good example of how recognizing and embracing our changing abilities is usually the best choice—but it's a very difficult choice. Notice I didn't say declining abilities, but our changing abilities. We all age, and we all evolve as we do. That isn't bad, but as humans we tend to remember the past as the good old days, whether they're really all that good or not. We remember being able to be more active and stay up all night, and we tend to forget how foolish we were. So embrace your new self, be proud of it, and recognize your new superpowers. It took you almost an entire lifetime to develop them, so use them to your best advantage.

That's it for the evening. Take care of yourself. Live your life to the fullest, but stay aware that our abilities change as we age. Your health as you age is probably even more important than when you were younger. Equally important is watching for changes and addressing them honestly. Your homework (always optional) is to think about all those things you don't like to think about related to age.

The physical ones are the easiest, but think about the mental ones, too. They don't have to be something to scare you, but be honest and use it as a tool to make your life more productive. Extra points if you talk with your spouse or kids and your siblings about aging, both theirs and yours. The best time to plan is before you have to. Enjoy it, and use it as an opportunity to grow together and to enjoy life together. 

As always, please remember the war in Ukraine, the wars in Israel/Palestine, that's in different fronts again. Africa has a number of conflicts going on right now. South America has some activity going on again. There's a lot of stuff going on in the world. If you can and you're able, I have a site UKR7.com that has some links. The World Central Kitchen is at WCK.org. They work throughout the world's disaster areas to bring food to people. Any of these we often talk about—if you can donate, that's great. If you want to donate locally, that's great. If you can't donate or just don't want to, still try and think outside of yourself. Even a smile can change somebody's day and make the world a better place. 

So, that's it. As always, thank you for stopping by. If you found something interesting or useful, please pass it along and please subscribe, and hit that like button. If not, please drop me a comment as to what you'd like to hear. Have a great week. Remember to live the life that you dream of, because that's the path to true contentment. Love and encouragement to everyone. See you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com. Thank you.