2022 May 24 Discussion brings understanding

Hi, this is Jim Cranston from 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com, the podcast and website by, for, and about baby boomers. Thanks for joining me tonight for looking at how open discussion is the start of understanding and healing. 

So let's get started, but first as always the regular reminder, I'm not a medical professional, and I'll be talking about things that I personally find useful and helpful.

If you find yourself feeling truly helpless and depressed, please seek professional medical help or just dial 911. The number on the screen, 800-273-8255, is the National Suicide Hotline. Starting July 16th, but available in a lot of areas, the three digit code 988, will connect you to the same place for immediate assistance. Good to know for yourself or a friend. 

This week we'll talk about, basically, talking. Really it's how to discuss a topic. We talked about that a little bit last week, but especially with a stranger, and especially when you're both on opposite sides of a topic. In this particular case, it was actually something that's passionate to me. 

But first this little side story: as I was heading out to run this evening, before I did this show, I ran into a neighbor and he's about nine years my senior. I was really pleased to see him, because it's been a while. I haven't seen him much over winter, I think maybe once over the whole winter. So we chatted for a bit and just talked about this and that. He said he was feeling old. I said that no matter how old he felt, he still looked really good, and it's great that he's still out walking. He said Not just walking, but I still play tennis and I'm still playing music, and I still do some writing. That, dear friends, is what makes life interesting. Not focusing on the bad, but rather, still reaching for the good things that life has to offer you, if you're willing.

It was really refreshing to see him. He's an upbeat sorta guy, and it's just fun to run into somebody who said, Well, things aren't perfect, but there's a lot of good things, and let me tell you about them. So back to the topic at hand, the value of meaningful discussions.

So the backstory is that, as you may have gathered, I post in a lot of various places about the Ukraine invasion. I do my little one-person rally, and then one of the places I post is on LinkedIn. So one of the people I follow left my post a pretty snarky comment. Not totally over the top, but pretty close to the top.

So I deleted it, and then wrote to them and said, Hey, thanks for the comment, but we'll have to agree to disagree about this topic. Be well. They replied back, and we had a fairly long discussion, actually. It was probably about a half hour, and continued today on related topics. 

We still don't agree, but I think we both have a better understanding about the other person's opinion, and it really made me reevaluate my position. Not to say that it changed my position completely, but when you actually try and have a deep discussion with somebody, probably the biggest advantage of a difficult discussion, is that you really have to think about what it is you're saying, and whether those arguments are really rational or not. Or if it's just you digging your heels in and trying to keep the discussion from moving forward. I think he may have been somewhat surprised as well, because I presented a number of points that he wasn't totally expecting, I think.

Especially when it came to the rise of socialism worldwide and I was perplexed, because although he was Pro-Russian, because he has a personal connection to Russia. He spoke out strongly against the political system there. So we both learned a lot, and we'll probably keep on talking for at least a little while, to remind me that the real terror, propaganda and isolation, because when you only listen to one side of his story, you really can't tell what the truth is anymore. 

I know a number of people who lived under the rule of the USSR, and all of them are concerned about the lack of meaningful discussion going on in the US and in most Western-influenced regions, because when discussion ends, fascism and persecution begins, almost always. 

Relatedly, back to that original reason of how we met from his comment, a new acquaintance also missed a really good opportunity by leaving that snarky comment. If he had put that in that comment, what we later talked about, we could have had a nice public discussion, and more people would have seen his points of view. So that was a missed opportunity. 

So next time you're on some social media or talk show, or you're driving along and someone says, Hey, what do you think of this? And you pick up the phone, I'll tell them what I think of this. Think about not only are you not advancing your view, really, if you go in with a bad attitude, but you might be missing a really important opportunity to persuade people and get them more interested in your side of the story.

So that was my side of the story, but now what about you? When someone says something you think is kind of stupid or whatever, do you just close your mind and hunker down in your own beliefs? Or do you listen to them if they're willing to try and have a discussion with them? We talked about this last week, too.

If you never learn about the other view, you get exactly what is happening here. Everybody's afraid of, and threatened by, every dissenting thought. It's really a terrible way to live. There’s no good reason for it. So much like my new acquaintance and I found out, though we probably both already knew at some level - what we found out was that we really had a lot more in common than we had in difference. 

So the next time the opportunity arises, try putting on your listening hat, and try to have a meaningful discussion with somebody with a different view. When I say put on your listening hat, I mean to really purposefully listen, that means just listening when they're talking. Not working on your reply, not looking for holes in their argument, just listening and understanding what they're saying. Then you can go and evaluate it. There can be three seconds of silence. It's fine. Think about it. Evaluate it. And then present your side of the story. Don't attack them, just present your side of the story, because if you're sitting there formulating your reply where they're still talking, you aren't really listening. That's what you hear a lot these days. Hopefully at the end of it, both of you will have learned a little bit more about each other and discovered that you really aren't so different as you first thought.

 So that's it for the evening. Thanks for stopping by. Stay healthy,  care for others, but remember to care of yourself so you can always be at your very best.

Finally, please don't forget the war in Ukraine, it’s still raging. The war has really gotten worse, it's hard to believe, than it was before. They're still targeting civilian areas, hospitals, and non-military targets. Now they're also purposely blowing up schools and museums.

It truly is genocide. They're just trying to erase that country. So if you're able and interested, the page of donation links is still up at UKR7.com. There's still a lot of people who are still doing both humanitarian aid and military aid. But if you're not comfortable doing military, a ton of people are doing humanitarian aid. So consider it, and again, if somebody asks you, I wish I could do something, just give them the link UKR7.com, because remember - one of the best ways to care for yourself is to care for others. 

So that is about it. As always, be true to yourself. Live your life aligned with your true goals and feelings. That's it for the week. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you found something interesting and useful. Please pass it along. If not, drop me a comment about what you'd like to hear. Have a great week. Thanks for visiting. Remember to live the life that you dreamed of, because that is the path to true contentment. Love and encouragement to everyone.

See you next week on 7EveryMinute and 7EveryMinute.com. Thank you.